MORE ONE LINERS

 A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

 A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.

 Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

 The judge refused to pronounce a long sentence, arguing that it was beyond his jury's diction.

 An autobiography is an I-witness account.

 Bank ad: Come in and see us if you are loan-ly.

 I know a lingerie buyer who gave his wife the slip.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich...... which never works.

If at first you don't succeed.... Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.

As soon as you mention something...... if it is good, it is taken.... If  it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late...... the bus is still late.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen....... If you have a pen, you don't have paper...... if you have both, no one calls.